I Am Real, I Am Me
by JJBluebell
Summary: Imagine spending your whole life knowing you dont belong. Then the day came for a new life, to finally be the person you never you you could be. To be you, the real you. Could you do what it takes? Make the hard choices? Make the right one's? What if your wrong? What if the person you always thought you were was not even close to the truth? EricxOC Set before Divergent
1. Chapter 1

She remembered how strange it was that day, to see every person she knew wearing the dark ebony color, such a contrast to the usual dull shades of endless blue. She remembered staring at the dark plain dress that had been laid out for her; it was such a foreign thing… if not for the single blue ribbon that had been forced around her wrist she would never have known her own Erudite-born reflection.

Most of that day passed the young girl with a haze of pitied gazes and false words. However she did remember how her brother came up to her, his eyes red and puffy with a matching dark suit and blue ribbon "its ok you know…"

Isaac's voice was soft and almost soothing as she sat playing with some word tiles, she never even glanced away from them "I'm fine."

"Liar…" despite his word choice there was no accusation there, just honesty. He curled one of her long honey kissed locks around his finger as his matching sparkling blue eyes found her own "I see you Duchess. I. See. You."

His smile was weak and not as teasing as the girl had grown accustomed to in her short years. Those words sent a shiver down her spine. She hadn't cried, she hadn't called out and pleaded for her mother… She didn't do anything people had expected. A normal six year old would cry, they would scream and break and demand answers, but that wasn't the case here…

As Isaac walked solemnly from her she fought the surge to rip the golden curls from his own head, how dare he claim to know her mind? How dare he see what she herself could barely understand?

She wasn't in morning, she wasn't sad.

She was angry, so fucking angry.

That was so long ago now, a blurry memory from another time, almost another life. Well that's how it felt as she stood waiting with a tap of her food and her heart beating like a hummingbird.

"March, Mary." As her name was called amongst others the blonde girl took a step into the door where her fate would be decided.

A man stood waiting for her inside wearing many shades of grey, with a chair that gave her flashbacks to having metal strapped to her teeth; thankfully they'd only been on just over a year, leaving her teeth straight and new.

"Please, take a seat. My name is Oliver; I'll be administrating your test." She had already begun to so his asking was more than a little redundant. Fidgeting with the hem of her shirt she watched the Abnegate closely as he spoke, hardly listening to his words but taking in his movements, her Erudite programmed brain taking all the information she could, she'd never met a Stiff before. He took careful movements not to startle or touch the girl, being as gentle and polite as possible. It was strange for Mary to see genuine kindness rather than the false shadow of it that was often given to obtain something, anything, like she had grown up knowing.

The strange blue liquid met her lips and once she swallowed the bittersweet serum her fate was sealed…

After the test Mary walked home watching her feet. Somehow the pale blue cotton of her shoes was mesmerizing, she watched the fine blue laces tied in their perfect ribbon and thankfully knew where she was going by instinct alone otherwise she would have walked into a pole or something.

When she finally arrived home she made her way through the fogged glass door and stared at her family, all stood to attention in anticipation. The small blonde girl stared at them all one by one for the longest moment, taking in the worried gaze of Fredrick, her father, the eyes he so kindly gave to her and Isaac, tall and lean and almost shaking, his usually well groomed honey brown hair pushed up where his hands no doubt had combed through it, patients had never been a virtue of his. Beside him stood Diana, his wife, a small shapely woman with scarlet hair, so deep you could never mistake her as ginger, her smile almost faltering for a moment. Then she found Isaac, licking his pale lips with a leathery tongue, readying himself to speak but never getting the chance…

Before she even knew what was happening Mary was crushing into her father's chest, she then turned to her brother, a tear almost falling from his flooded blue orbs, almost. Abandoning her father, Mary's arms wrapped high on Isaac's neck while he lifted her to the tips of her toes, holding her as though she could disappear at any moment, he knew, he'd always known her better than she knew herself, it was his superpower.

With a kiss to her brother's rosy cheek and a weak smile to Diana the blonde girl made her way to the high stairs, stopping only at the question her father needed to voice "Mary, the test?"

She cast him but a glance, staring instead at the white urn perched high on the mantle behind him "I don't belong here Daddy, I never did… you know that."

His lip quivered for a second before nodding and heading out of the room, not that she saw it; Mary instead headed up to her room to change. After all she had a big night planned…

Erudite was a big place, it would be easy to get lost if you didn't know your way, and sometimes even if you did. A certain blonde sat in one of the older buildings looking out though the factions, surrounded by glass windows old desks were covered in dusty sheets and the door creaked as it opened "Hey pretty lady…"

"Hey yourself, so…" Mary stood with a large gulp of breath and a bite of her lip, fiddling with a small folded piece of paper in her hand as she stared intently to Iris, her best friend. The girl was taller than Mary, not that that was hard to accomplish, but she was lean and slender while Mary held some of her baby fat still and inherited her mother's voluptuous curves; Iris's creamy caramel hair contrasting completely with her friend's bright blonde curls.

They were both nervous; it was blatant to see as they handed over the scabs of paper. With a bite of her plum lip Mary opened the paper and the word hit her heart like a wrecking ball.

' _Amity'_

They shared a joint look of understanding before pulling the other close, hanging on her dear life as Mary sobbed "I'm going to miss you so much…"

"Who's going to beat people up for me?" Iris muttered laughed into her friend's hair.

"Who's going to stop me beating people up?"

They laughed together before interlocking their fingers, Iris reaching for the picnic basket she'd dropped at the door "I brought snacks. Including those disgusting Sweet Chili Sausage sandwiches you love, because you love them."

"With Jalapeno's?"

"Obviously! Like this is the first time I've fed you?" Iris feigned insult with a smile as she began laying out the perfectly planned picnic.

Dancing away towards the sheet covered table Mary pulled up a bottle and two plastic cups out of thin air "What a team we make: You brought the grub and I brought the Dizzy juice."

Iris laughed at the name they'd given to anything even remotely alcoholic after they'd snaked a bottle of peppermint schnapps from her mother's liquor cabinet when they were ten. This however was not peppermint schnapps; however the Cinnamon taste did dull the burn of the whisky as it glided down your throat. It had become a favorite of the blonde's after she'd had a fight with her father a few years before, she couldn't remember what the fight was about, but she remembered the sweet burn and how it seemed to make the world all shiny and new.

Mary poured out the drinks and offered the lowest amount to her best friend. Iris wasn't that much of a drinker, but this was a special occasion. They didn't know when they would next see each other, if they ever would again; this was their time. So with a raise of their glasses Mary smiled brightly "to us, no matter how far or how long…"

"Despite blood or faction, we're us, you and me."

"No one else I'd rather be." With a small silent clink they chugged the sweet liquor back hard; Iris scrunching her face, sticking out her tongue and shaking her head at the strong taste.

Mary laughed, picking up a sandwich and asked "so how'd your Parents take it?"

That's how they spent most of the night, just talking and being together, it was strange to think that Iris wouldn't be just a block away anymore, they had talked every day since they were eight years old. People had been so confused by their friendship at first, Iris was so sweet and nice to everyone and Mary, well, wasn't, but one day when Ashley, Lauren and Chloe all showed up looking like they'd been trampled by elephants, they suddenly stopped picking on Iris who had blood and juice on her torn and taped notes and Mary sat with her at lunch, glaring over to the girls in question as Iris happily offered her a cupcake.

When Mary got home half the bottle of whisky was gone, and Iris had only the one glass. She looked over at the urn with a snarl, her mother's picture placed beside it. she looked so much like her it sometimes made her sick, the same hair, same alabaster complexion, same shape, at least Isaac was a boy so it wasn't as bad for him. Her finger brushed lightly over the plaque on the bottom of the frame:

' _In Memory of Caitlyn March'_

Is that really all it came to? A jar of ash and an appeasing picture looming over everyone left behind? Mary shook her head with a bitter laugh; she then turned to find her father passed out in his chair, the high back having hidden him until that moment.

She jumped only a little I swear.

Laughing at herself Mary walked over to pull the white blanket from the sofa and drape it over her father's sleeping form, but not before pulling the photo album from his slumbering grasp, closing it she saw her name sprawled on the cover in intricate embroidery, she smiled a little before putting it back on the shelf besides her brothers own memory album. Once her father was covered in the new soft layer of the blanket Mary placed a light kiss to his forehead "Love you Daddy, sweet dreams."

She took a left at the top of the stairs rather than her usual right and didn't bother knocking as she let herself into her brother's room. Crawling in beside him Mary looked at his closed eyes and sighed "you'll look after him right?"

"You know I will." His eyes never opened until her looming gaze became too strong for him to fight and he asked "Are you scared?"

"No. Nervous, yes, anxious but not scared; not of leaving anyway."

"Then what?"

"I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you… I… I don't want to say goodbye." A sob broke through and Isaac pulled his sister close.

"Hush, you could never lose me. Hey look at me, I said look at Me." she did, she looked through blurry eyes to see herself reflected back in his. She looked so small, so weak, it made her blood boil.

Pulling a blonde curl to wrap tight around his finger Isaac smiled down to her "I'm your big brother, nothing's going to change that and after initiation you could find a reason to come see me and me you, it won't be like now, but I'll always be here. You know why?"

A knowing half smile crept onto the girls face as she spoke "my god really? You sound like Grandma."

He laughed but continued nevertheless "because were the Duke and Duchess of Erudite. Well now I guess, you know…"

She punched him hard in the arm, with a laugh as he held her close, "everything will work out Duchess, you'll see."

She slept peacefully that night, knowing her fate was nothing to facing it, but she was ready, she'd been ready for a long time.

Choosing Day; it was a big one, and Mary couldn't decide what to wear until Diana laid out a fitted navy colored skater dress, baby blue tights, white blazer jacket and navy flats. Her father had also insisted on a white ribbon to tie back some of her curls, she gave in even though it made her feel like a child to have the bow, but only because it was the last time he could insist upon her… or maybe she was getting soft.

They entered the Hub and Mary was almost awed by the amount of people, every faction was there, ready to make the biggest decision on their lives…but no pressure.

She took her seat with her family, her father fussing over her all through Janine Matthew's speech, picking out imaginary pieces of lint from her dress and hair "Fred dear leave the girl be." Diana tried to defuse her husband's fears by taking his hand and smiling to Mary. Diana had never been the wicked stepmother type, however she and Mary had never quiet seen eye to eye but they respected each other, some days even liked each other. So Mary was grateful for her trying, not that it did much good.

"Mary you just remember this is forever, alright, this isn't some game, it's… it's your life so just… make the right choice, ok?" he was scared, scared something would go horribly wrong and she'd end up factionless or worse, but he cared, he was actually showing he cared and that meant so much to Mary, who had always found her father to be a cold and abrasive man.

With a kiss of his cheek Mary smiled "Don't worry Daddy; I'm going to make the right choice for _me._ I'm going to be alright, you'll see."

The older man nodded in acceptance of her answer, still he refused to release his vice grip on her frail little hand. Isaac was late, but rushed to sit beside her and mimicked their father's actions. I guess the apple doesn't fall to far after all.

The names came and went, many choosing a new life, many others choosing to continue with the one they already had but as they called up a certain dark haired girl Mary held her breath "Iris Grains"

She watched as her best friend made that small cut and hesitated with a glance to her parents, her eyes scanning the crowd, finding the reassuring eyes she needed to push her into the decision she truly made in her own heart. A single drop of blood fell to the dirt and before Amity had a chance to rejoice in their initiate or the Grains a moment to morn Mary stood, fist punching the air as she screamed through the Hub "Yes! Go Iris!"

Yeah, that earned her a few stares but Mary didn't notice as she clapped and blew a kiss to her friend, Iris kissing back as her parents send death glares to the blonde seated behind them, obviously blaming her for their daughter abandoning them and the faction. Not that Mary gave a damn. Her father pulled her back down with a steely shake of his head, ever the respectful Erudite ashamed of his dramatic daughter. The action brought a twitch of a smile to Mary's face.

Then a while later, that felt like forever, they echoed her name from the long list "Mary March."

With a deep, openmouthed breath Mary gave a squeeze to the hands of the two men beside her before standing and straightening her dress and made her way down the long steps and onto the stage. The cut of the blade was seamless as she bled such a beautiful color, unlike her dearest friend Mary didn't look to the crowd for reassurance of her decision, the single drop of blood fell as quickly as it had been drawn.

"Dauntless."

It was only then that Mary looked up to see her brother's pride filled eyes and her father's quivering lip as he struggled to hold his composure. Her eyes found Iris's who was cheering and clapping loudly over at Amity, even louder than her new Dauntless that welcomed her with a warm seat and fresh band aid.

She didn't look back when they left the Hub, she didn't think she could resist giving her family one last hug goodbye, but she had to, she had to go and follow her new faction into her new life. As they ran down the street and climbed the tracks like you would a ladder Mary was partly convinced that the Dauntless-born were part monkey and was suddenly very thankful for the bullies that used to chase her through the school and courtyards before she started standing up for herself.

She was also thankful to Diana for choosing the simple flat shoes that wouldn't destroy her feet as she tried to keep up.

Mary reached the top of the tracks just as the train was coming, which she scolded herself for, and then she ran like hell, but somehow managed to make it. Losing a shoe in the process, ok so maybe not the best shoe's to have worn.

Looking around the carriage she saw two people from Candor stood close together a boy and girl, one girl dressed in bright Amity colors twiddling her thumbs in the far corner and a boy from Abnegation nursing his left arm he'd somehow hurt…

Who knew how many transfers there actually were, but none from her own birth-faction in that carriage. Yeah because after her turn she'd pretty much zoned out, falling into her own little bubble of questions of her new life and what it would hold.

Then she noticed people moving over to the doors and followed suit, they were jumping onto a rooftop, Mary huffed out a sign before kicking off her remaining shoe, knowing it would to nothing to help the jackhammer beating against her ribs. Then as the Dauntless-born began to jump so did she, meeting the gravel of the rooftop hard, her hands and feet scraped, her tights torn in various places, exposing a few of her toes and her knee throbbing with her awful landing technique… also known as falling.

It was only a moment later that she heard the yelling "Please, oh god! Please help me!"

Racing over to the ledge as the wind of the train swept past Mary saw the Amity girl from her carriage hanging over the side, losing her grip with the large long drop waiting just below. Moving quickly to grab her wrists Mary yelled down "hang on, hang on I've got you…"

Some of the others come to help but as the girl finally managed to crawl over she fell into the blonde shoeless girl, forcing her back into the gravel "thank you, thank you…"

As the girl muttered Mary stood, wiping herself down "Yeah sure, just don't do it again because next time I'm walking."

The girl laughed, her ginger braid having fallen to pieces in the chaos "I'm Willow, by the way."

"Good for you." Mary answered coldly.

Willow raced to catch up with the shoeless blonde and asked "so what's your name?"

"M-"

Before she had a chance to answer a voice echoed over the rooftop, demanding to be heard by the dominating tone alone "alright listen up!"

Mary as well as the rest of the crowd found themselves stood before a tall, man with neck tattoo's who's very being screamed intimidation "I'm Eric, I'm one of your leaders. If you want to enter Dauntless this is the way in and if you don't have the guts to jump then you don't belong in Dauntless."

The crowd remained quiet and motionless, all wondering where this could lead, to Dauntless or Death?

"Somebody's got to go first, who's it going to be?" Eric scanned the unwavering group before him only stopping to notice a girl shrugging out of her white blazer and moving forward.

Heights had never been a problem for Mary and she was suddenly very grateful for that as she shoved her blazer to Willow and strolled through the crowd as someone laughed "what happened to your shoes? Aren't your feet getting cold? Ha cold feet. Get it."

Mary wasn't sure who made the sad and pathetic joke as Eric eyed her skeptically, moving aside so she could complete her task. Mary placed a single bare foot on the cold stone and took a step up onto the ledge, staring down to see an empty abyss waiting for her at the bottom before glancing over her shoulder. A small smile inched onto her face as she whispered to herself "fuck it!" unsure and uncaring if anyone herd her.

Not that it matted as she idly leaned forward and fell from the roof, as the wind rushed past her and she fell though the sky Mary didn't feel like she was falling, it was like flying…

She met the net at with a giggle of glee and a smile as she managed to bounce down from the net with a helping hand waiting for her "Were you just laughing on the way down?"

She looked into those warm chocolate glazed eyes as the stranger helped her and smirked "Maybe. Hey, can I go again?"

He looked at her wide eyed with a shake of his head, "Well that's a first and no, you can't. What's your name?"

She looked at him for less time than it felt, it couldn't have been more than a second but it felt like a good minute as that question rolled around inside her head. She'd always said she'd never change her name, she was proud of whom she was, she was Mary March but she was more than that now as well… maybe she could be both. So without missing a beat the blonde girl smiled "Duchess, my name's Duchess March."

There was no question in her answer, no doubt as he nodded then called "First Jumper: Duchess March."

He had a ghost of a smile on his lips as he spoke "welcome to Dauntless, Duchess."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys thanks so much for the positive feedback, it means so much and helped me decide to continue this fic. Also someone asked me about a Divergent Role-play, but something's wrong with my massager and it won't let me reply for some reason. Anyway I don't really know what that is… so yeah. Anyway please enjoy and let me know what you think!**

 **Thanks JJ xoxo**

As the rest of the initiate's took that long leap of faith Duchess watched from the sidelines, her preprogrammed brain watched and examined their reactions, how some screamed, some held their breath until they found the safety of the net and one guy looked like he pissed himself.

The transfers were quickly separated from the Dauntless-born, leaving them with their new trainer, some of the others looked kind of annoyed liked they'd get special treatment just for how they were born there. Any logical mind would know it was all in fair play, they had been raised to fight and had Dauntless running though their very being; putting them in with the new kids would only land the transfers in pretty big disadvantage.

Four, the intelligence officer that had been stuck watching the transfers, lead them down a long dark spiral staircase, lit only by a harsh red bulb at the top. Guiding them into a room where white light bounced off of the many angles of the large white stones, Duchess cracked a smile at the sight as Four spoke "This is the Pit, the center of life here at Dauntless."

"Beautiful…" Duchess muttered to herself as she watched the darkly dressed people below shine out from the ivory wall around them.

"I've seen better." A girl with a darker shade of blonde hair snipped and it made Duchess's skill crawl, she knew that voice… Ashley Lowell.

And for the life of her she couldn't figure out why that bitch had ever decided on Dauntless?

Duchess wasn't sure if Ashley had noticed her, if she'd chosen Dauntless just to piss her off. Those questions didn't mean much though when Duchess saw Ashley's reaction to the shared quarters "Oh my god this is a joke right? Sharing a room is one thing but… you want us to use the bathroom like that? That's disgusting, not to mention unhygienic."

Four was less than happy with the girls little outburst and just frowned "Get over it or get out, your choice."

Ashley looked like a slapped fish and it made Duchess smile oh so brightly. "Now get changed."

Four turned on his heel, leaving them all alone to scurry on over to the shelves to try and find their size's in the regulation clothes before moving to select a bed. Duchess saw how everyone else was rushing to cover themselves and get dressed, hiding their body's away. She also saw how some Ashley all but shoved the ginger Amity girl away from the bed she apparently wanted. My god that girls such a bitch!

"Hey, look it's my hero." Willow smiled sheepishly as she made her way over to the only vaguely friendly face she could place. Duchess couldn't help but roll her eyes as the girl decided that taking the bed next to her was a good Idea "I'm so sorry I never got a chance to catch your name."

"Duchess." The blonde didn't bother to look over at the girl as she wiggled out of her torn tights and moved to get the zip on her dress… but just couldn't reach.

"That's a pretty name, oh here let me help you with that." the ginger moved to get help her new 'friend' with the zip and was offered a cold "thanks" in return.

Unlike the other girls in the room Duchess didn't bother to rush, why should she? These people were going to see her bathe and piss for the next ten weeks, better to get the awkward tension creeping at the back of her neck out of the way sooner rather than later.

"Nice scar's, do them yourself?" Ashley laughed over at the other blonde; Duchess didn't bother to try to cover the two long peach colored scars' that had been woven into her porcelain soft skin. The first glided over the curve of her right hip falling short of her belly button by a mere inch. The second scar raced along her inner-thigh, also on her right side, to just under the curve of her ass.

"You mean like your obviously armature tan job?" Ashley nearly threw herself across the room as Duchess stood shimmying into her pants.

"Why do you have to be such a freak?"

"Because the alternative would be what exactly; being like you? No thanks." They stared death glares at each other, ready to throw blows until a very tall and skinny boy took a step between them "come on ladies, it's the first day, cant you kill each other tomorrow? Because I for one would like to enj-"

"Just stay out of my way, March!" with that Ashley stormed off to her own bed.

The boy dressed in only Dauntless issued pants and Condor shirt, who Duchess noticed had hair that matched his eyes; both a milk chocolate color. It was kind of freaky actually. Anyway he just laughed the situation off "well that was intense. I'm Mouse."

"Duchess, you know her?" Willow asked, not meaning to be rude as Mouse stood there waiting for some sort of answer. The girl had also managed to use the distraction to quickly change.

"Unfortunately! I'm Duchess, Red here is Willow." She made the introductions simply to change the subject, not wanting to dwell on Ashley anymore than she had.

Mouse smiled at that before heading back to his bed and finished changing. Four came back in a few minutes later, stood stern with his hands behind his back, all authority that guy "Grab your old clothes and follow me."

He led us down another long corridor, stopping only to open a steel door where heat flooded the corridor and filled everyone's lungs with burning smoke "Now you're all going to walk through this room and one by one, you're going to throw your clothes into the furnace."

Someone nearer the back spoke up "Um, why?"

Four looked at the boy like he was an idiot "because your old factions have no place here, you chose Dauntless, now we'll see if Dauntless is where you belong. Either way, there is no going back."

So like good soldiers they did as told, they burned their clothes and as Duchess watched the flames engulf the blue fabric she felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest. She was burning away a version of herself that wasn't real, it wasn't her… she was Duchess now.

Four had left them to look around the compound, but not before telling them how to get to the Mess hall for dinner and reminding them that they had a very hard day tomorrow, so to enjoy this one. He was almost nice about it.

Duchess wasn't sure what she made of Four; he was definitely a guy who knew how to get respect and authority, and yeah he was wicked hot if your into the broody aloof guy and liked to sit in silence a lot. But hey that was just her first interpretation of the guy, maybe she was wrong… but she doubted it.

She also wasn't a hundred percent sure she'd done the right thing in pulling Willow up from that ledge, because the redhead suddenly seemed to decide that Duchess was her long lost sister or some shit, either way she was sticking to the blonde like glue and it was getting pretty annoying. Along with Willow, Duchess had seemed to gather a small crowd, including Mouse, another guy named Curtis with his head shaved and caramel complexion. She guessed another Candor by how he and Mouse seemed to already know each other and the last tagalong was a girl from Abnegation, with ash brown hair and green eyes, her shy smile almost made Duchess want to punch her in the face.

Don't ask why, it just did.

They wondered around the compound for a few hours and had got lost twice, but somehow managed to thankfully get to the Mess hall before all the food was gone. Duchess took a seat at the first empty space she could find and barely noticed everyone else as she eyed the food; her mouth watering at the sight.

She quickly shoveled a few sausages and huge pile of mashed potatoes on her plate before she merrily poured some baked beans over her mountain of food. Everyone eyed her slightly as Curtis laughed "slow down, what they didn't remember to feed you over in Nose central or something?"

She fixed the boy with a blank expression as the hot, hearty goodness slid down her throat and assaulted her taste buds "have you ever seen the food at Erudite? It's like they have a thing against real portions or maybe a miniature kitchen or something. I swear if it wasn't for Iris I probably would have starved!"

"I thought Erudite was meant to have some of the best food out of the faction's?" Mouse asked with half a sausage hanging out of his mouth, seemingly pretending it was a cigar.

"Yep, it's all delicious… for the two bites of it you get. My teacher back in school said ' _The portions are_ _ **so small**_ _that we can enjoy the full spectrum of tastes that's on offer'_ and my dad used to say it's about savouring the flavours. Personally I think it was all a crock and everyone was too scared in case they spilt gravy on themselves or something. God forbid!" everyone laughed at that, apparently she was funny; she'd never been funny back in Erudite, well except to Iris and Isaac that is.

"So I hope you don't mind me asking but what was all that about back in the rooms with you and Pride?" the girl from Abnegation asked as she picked at her food, almost as though she was testing it for poison or something.

And for the life of her Duchess just couldn't remember the girls name!

"Who now?" it was a strange name and Duchess couldn't help the quirk of her brow at it.

Licking bean juice from her fingers Willow smiled in a far to chipper tone "the girl you were arguing with, the other blonde?"

Duchess cast a glance over to where Ashley was sat; she sat alone and looked almost awkward, so very different from the social circle of spiteful little followers that usually followed her every move. She'd changed her name, just like Duchess had. Sure it was kind of an odd one but hey some people might think that about hers… so she nodded mutely "oh right, we have history, none of it good."

With that she considered the matter dropped despite the others curious stares. Mouse just shrugged it off with a wave of his fork "Forget her; she'll probably end up getting herself kicked out anyway, what's that old saying bitches get stitches?"

Willow laughed into her cup, some f her drink snorting out of her nose as um… Amara! That's the Stiff's name… thank god that would have drove Duchess nut's all day. Yeah anyway Amara tried to bite back a smile, so shy and sweet. My god Duchess wanted to punch her.

Suddenly people were banging there cups and making a load of noise "Initiates, stand."

They looked up to the upper level, no doubt it was reserved for the 'important' people and saw the leader of Dauntless scanning over the crowd, searching for the unfamiliar faces. They stood as told, Duchess continuing to chew her food as he spoke, earning her a mild, almost real glare from Willow "You have chosen to join the warrior faction, tasked with the defence of this City and all its inhabitants. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery and the courage that drives on person to stand up for another. Respect that. Do us proud."

Without much warning they were being hoisted up into the air "Hey get off of me, let me down."

Duchess felt the hands all over her and tried to reach back for her food "I said let get off me!"

"Will you shut up and enjoy yourself for two seconds?" Amara somehow got the courage to ask.

Duchess frowned as the unfamiliar hands shuffled them through the room and further away from her food. "Yeah come on Duchess lighten up!" Curtis shouted over the crowd and for a second her did, just let the wave carry her and enjoyed the freedom of it… until someone grabbed her ass and she kicked some guy so hard in the face the crunch of his nose echoed through the mess hall.

For the first time that day she had a genuine smile on her face as the hands just kept moving, she even laughed as many others did at the stranger's bloody, broken nose.

That the first time in her life she just acted on sheer impulse without disapproving glares and reprimands.

It felt good.

Freeing…

The next morning came too quickly for Duchess's liking, having spent most the night tossing and turning on the hard mattress, plus Amara and Mouse's snoring didn't help. She and Willow silently agreeing to wake them did though; but of course where Willow shook Amara gently and in the nicest way told her to knock it off, Duchess just walked over and literally kicked Mouse from his bed, he hit the concrete floor with a hard slapping noise before Duchess pretty much screamed "Shut the fuck up!"

Four's wakeup call with that god forsaken pipe also did wonders for their beauty sleep.

Not!

A few minutes later they all lined up to stand in the Pit, stood before a stern looking Four and Eric lounging on one of the hard stones from behind him. Four scanned the group as he explained what was going to happen; the physical and mental challenges that they would be forced to face.

Dauntless took no prisoners and favoured only the brave.

The first day Four had them doing laps for over an hour around the compound, stopping for three minute rests every twenty. Everyone was complaining and gasping, not to loud though because yeah; when a black haired boy fainted Eric grabbed his legs and ran ahead of the initiates, just because he was unconscious doesn't mean he couldn't make an example of the boy.

The group then quickly realized that Four may have been hard on them, but Eric was the one they had to really worry about.

Next was the basic combat skill; Four taught them how to throw a half decent punch and not break your hand, something Duchess had learned when she was fourteen with the aid of a broken knuckle and fractured thumb.

He and Eric also took turns slow motion fighting with them, well demonstrating, as they called it. Amara did surprisingly well, if you count kicking a guy in the nuts good. As Four tired to get his breath back and no doubt find his rescinded testicle, Amara looked like she was going to either start crying or vomit "I'm-I'm sorry, god- I just…"

Eric stepped out from the shadows, having watched them all observing "No, no apologies, you did what it takes to win… that's what a Dauntless does. Anything less is useless to us."

His words were harsh but true; Duchess noticed how Eric had a way about him, a dominating atmosphere that hushed those around him into a quivering silence.

After that they spent the rest of the day training on their basic's, it was basically fighting but in slow motion, leaning the techniques. It was kind of slow for Duchess's taste but this was the stuff she had to learn, not just how to attack, she'd been doing that her whole life, she had to learn how to win.

The first week or so went on like that, loud wake up, breakfast, running for what felt like forever and learning how to fight without actually hitting each other. Don't get me wrong the gym bags took quite a beating but they couldn't fight you back, they couldn't kill you if you made a wrong move… those are the things they needed to learn.

So when they moved onto the guns Duchess almost jumped for joy, or she would have is she wasn't freaking out slightly. The metal was heavy and she felt like her frail little arms could barely hold the thing up. So when she shot it the first time and it almost took off her shoulder with the recoil it was no surprise.

Four had forced her down into the infirmary, despite Duchess's persistence that she could carry on. Her shoulder was bruised and she had she had a minor tear in the muscle that she'd been told to take it easy.

Willow had taken to the gun like a fish to water and was more than happy to give Duchess a few pointers.

As the time passed Duchess couldn't help the small ache that was growing in her heart, she missed her brother and Iris, she missed being able to talk to them, to confide in someone. Yeah Willow, Mouse, Curtis and Amara had become her 'kind of' friends but she couldn't talk to them, she felt alone… more alone than she'd felt in such a long time.

Duchess had felt it more and more every day, some sort of itch worming its way around inside her. She had no idea what it was, not until that day in the training rooms "First and Last jumper, in the ring."

Duchess walked into the ring and stared over the crowd, waiting for her opponent and almost frowned as the former Amity girl stepped up skittishly.

Willow looked to the girl she had came to call friend nervously and Duchess well she didn't want to hurt Willow, why would she… but that doesn't mean she wouldn't.

"You fight until the other cant or one of you concedes." Four spoke evenly as he stood with folded arms, waiting and watching his initiates, looking for what could be improved and taught and what needed beating out of them.

"Well? You're getting scored on this so make it good, fight hard." Eric groaned impatiently, like it was some sort of show or something.

Duchess pushed back her long golden braid as she took a step closer to the ginger, Willow took a step back, unsure of herself. "I can't… Duchess."

"Hit me" it was barely a whisper but Duchess knew Willow had heard her.

Willow just stood there for a second before shaking her head. Duchess groaned with a little eye roll as she did the only thing she could; she lunched for Willow.

The punch landed hard in the gingers face, Duchess's knee coming up to the girl's stomach. She groaned in pain as Duchess again whispered "Hit. Me!"

She backed away for just a moment and just looked at the girl before her, still stood with her Amity mind set. Well Duchess knew what she had to do…

Rushing to Willow Duchess easily pushed her to the ground and screamed "get the fuck up and hit me!"

Without warning Duchess's legs where kicked out from under her and in the blink of an eye Willow was sat on her stomach, punching her friend in the face. Duchess's mouth filled with the taste of pennies and the echoing pain from her jaw would no doubt lead to a nasty bruise. As she threw Willow off and across the mat the gingers face filled with shock horror at seeing what she had done.

Duchess spat out the blood that had flooded her mouth and wiped at the dripping remains spread down her chin with a wicked grin and a glint in her eye as she looked to Willow "there she is! Come on Red, come get me."

An alien surge washed over the former Amity and she did just that, kicking out at the blonde and hitting her hard in the thigh. It caught Duchess off guard for a second, but only a second, when the second hit came Duchess grabbed Willow's ankle and yanked her to the floor, her head smacking against the mat and Duchess moving to punch Willow full force in the face as she tried to get up. Blood pooled from somewhere, Willow's entire face felt like it was on fire so she didn't know where, she had enough sense to roll away as the second hit came "Ah, Shit!"

Duchess shook her hand as the pain travelled right up her goddamn arm. Willow used this distraction to try and get up but Duchess was faster, knocking her arm from under her and forcing her face back into the mat. One arm, the one that had punched the floor was wrapped tight around Willow's neck and the other forcing her arm high up her back.

Another inch and her arm would snap, Willow yelled and tapped her free hand on the mat "Stop, stop… I'm done!"

To everyone's surprise Duchess immediately released the girl beneath her and with a tender hand helped her sit up. It was an unusual sight to behold as Duchess seemed to forget about their audience, or just didn't care as she pulled off her black vest to gently wipe away the blood covering the lower half of the gingers face.

"That was good start… " Four spoke, breaking the silence.

The two girls looked from him to the mess they'd made of each other and laughed, lightly kicking at her friends shin "always knew you wanted to smack me around a little."

Eric circled past the girls with his usual unimpressed frown "it was a start at least. If only barely."

Duchess leaning back on her hands her exposed alabaster skin seeming even paler against the black bra and the smudged crimson dotted across her neck and breasts "well aren't you just a little ray of pitch black."

A few people laughed while Duchess and Eric just stared at each other, it was the first time she made real contact with the man, and he was so much bigger than her; even if she hadn't been sat on the floor.

"Was that impertinence I just heard coming from your mouth, initiate?" he fixed with a cold glare before, grabbing her up by her bicep.

Eric pulled her so hard she crashed into his steel like chest "well that smart mouth just cost you five points. Now drop and give me thirty."

Willow finally managed to stand as Eric roughly shoved Duchess away from him, like she was something he'd stepped in "For wha-"

Duchess hand rose to silence the other girl as she smiled up wickedly to the young leader, a dark twinkle mirrored in both their baby blues "it's alright Red, I can take it."

A low growl escaped Eric as he glared down to the small pale girl before him "then I guess we better make it fifty."

"Thirty will be fine." She had to give Four some credit for trying but Eric's head snapped over to his old classmate "fifty… even one less and you will be running laps tomorrow for the whole damn day. Understood?"

Duchess felt her jaw clench as she stared up into those cold icy blue orbs of his before dropping to the floor to begin her punishment. If she'd have been able to see more than just his black boots, if she'd had been able to see the dark half smirk that curled at Eric's lips her blood would have turned to a boil.

Eric didn't take his eyes off her as he spoke "Next pair, Pride and Luca: In the ring!"

A while later, Duchess stood in the bathroom mirror seat pouring off of her and a trail of dried blood flaking in the corner of her mouth where he lip had been split, a long purple, black bruise lining the left of her jaw. Her hand was still kind of hurting as well, her knuckles torn and broken and already scabbed over.

Her injuries didn't bother her, for Eric's harsh treatment, it was kind of good really, like the physical pain was helping the emotional or whatever. Duchess wondered if that was normal, if it was even sane.

She wasn't sure if she really cared.

"Duchess?" Amara's voice came from the steep of the doorway and she turned to see almost everyone she had come to know was stood with a worried expression as she sat nursing her woods, still in only her bra and combat pants.

She smiled a toothy smile at the four of them "hey, you all look pretty wrecked."

They did, Willow's nose had officially been announced as broken and her face littered in bruises, Amara had a chunk of hair missing where another initiate had literally ripped it out, Curtis had a fractured wrist from punching someone in the face wrong and Mouse's eye was starting to close over from where Curtis had punched him.

"We thought maybe you'd want to come out with us, we're going to get Amara's hair fixed." Mouse winced with a smile as he ruffled the girl in questions hair, poking lightly at the remaining torn strands in that one spot near the crown of her head.

Duchess looked from her reflection to her friends and nodded meekly "why not?"

They all washed up and changed, Duchess finally putting on a shirt, she liked the feel of the black fishnet shirt over her equally black lace vest. The clothes in Dauntless were all about comfort and power and that seemed fit her like a second skin.

Once they reached the Salon and Amara picked her new style, a short back and sides and the remaining long pixie style trim dyed every colour of the rainbow, suddenly everyone decided it mix it up a little. Mouse went for a long blue Mohawk with the sides bare bladed, turns out he always hated how similar his hair and eye colour were. Curtis didn't have much hair to change but decided to bleach his stubbly head and sideburns to a dramatic chalk white, it actually looked pretty cool. Even sweet Willow jumped on the bandwagon, her hair sliced into a bob and adding long bangs, going from an orange ginger to baby pastel pink that made Curtis smile "I guess Duchess can't call you red anymore."

"Guess it'll just have to be Pinkie from now on huh?" Amara laughed, her new bold her apparently granting her some sort of confidence the others had never seen before.

Willow was still getting it styled as she looked into the mirror with a shrug "I'm fine with that, anything better than Ginger-nut like I used to get called."

"I thought Amity was meant to be all about kindness and stuff? I didn't know they could even be mean." Mouse managed to tear himself away from the mirror for a split second to actually contribute to the conversation.

"it was mostly my brothers who called me it, they were blessed with our mom's brown hair." There was an unfamiliar tinge of bitterness in Willow's voice. The now pink hared girl watched Duchess in the mirror, flicking through a style menu "anything you like?"

"I don't know… I'm not even sure if I want to change my hair." Fear… she was trying very hard to hide it but it was there, all you had to do was look close enough.

Duchess wasn't sure what she was so afraid of changing her hair for, the idea of a tattoo didn't scare her, in fact the only reason she hadn't gotten one already was because she couldn't decide what she wanted.

When Willow was finally done she walked over to her friend as the others carried on their own conversation "well whatever you want, is on me… I owe you."

Duchess stared at her confused and quirked a brow "you owe me? For what; breaking your face?"

Willow giggled with a shake of her head, powder pink bangs falling almost to her shoulders and her green eyes seemed brighter somehow "Duchess I choked today, I would never have it you back, I would never have hit anyone back. Do you know why I chose Dauntless? Because I was sick and tired of being the weak one, the one everyone stepped on. You pushed me, you wanted me to hit you, to fight back and stand up for myself, not just take it and then move on like I've been told to do my whole life. I needed that… so yeah, I owe you."

Something swelled deep in Duchess's heart as those words, the same feeling she had when Iris had finally told her parents off for pushing her to hard, it didn't matter how hard she worked how good her grades where Iris was never good enough. It was pride, Duchess was proud of Willow.

Not that she'd ever tell her that of course.

So slamming the book closed Duchess strutted over to the styling chair and looked into the mirror, her mother staring back at her and then it hit home, why she was so scared to change her look and also why she had to "Fuck it!"

Later as they walked into the mess hall with quite a few stares from the surrounding tables, they were laughing and eating merrily, the fact they'd taken turns beating the crap out of each other not even a few hours earlier even seemed to faze them.

Then out of the corner of her baby blues Duchess saw Eric walking out of the mess hall and quickly climbed out of her seat "I'll be right back!"

"Eric!" She called after him down the empty dimly lit corridor.

He turned to her but had to do a double take at the girl before him If it hadn't of been for her porcelain skin that was glittered in injury and small chubby frame Eric would have missed Duchess all together, her hair was still long but the fair honey kissed colour had been drown out with thick black dye, the ends shifting into a crimson curl and a small patch above her left ear shaved away with an arrow pattern carved into it.

"Well I see someone has been having fun. A trip to the hairdresser or tattoo parlour doesn't make you Dauntless." His words were cold and calculated but hadn't hit her like he thought they would.

After all she changed her hair for herself not to impress his smug ass "thanks for the memo, listen I know your this terrifying leader and all but I need a favour."

His icy eyes widened in surprise as he physically laughed in her face "Seriously, ok, ok. Please do tell, what exactly is this favour?"

His voice dripped with amused sarcasm as Duchess stood stern, her voice never breaking as she spoke "I don't want to be trained by Four anymore."

Eric folded his arms, feigning concern as he asked "and why is that? Is Four being too hard on you?"

"The opposite actually, yeah he's a good trainer, he's tough, was first in his class, pushes us to where we need to be and I respect that."

"Then what's the problem?" he asked in a bored tone, already sick of hearing how great Four was.

Taking a step and making them toe to toe Duchess looked up at him and answered his question "I need more, fuck pushing me to the point, I need to be pushed past it. I know I'm a pain in the ass, hell just ask my dad. Four, Four will let us fight until he thinks we can't take it. I get it with the others, I do, but I can't be stopped because it looks like I might get hurt. I need to be able to lose so I can learn how to win. I need more… and you're just terrifying and sadistic enough to do that."

The amusement had abandoned his face in view of mild curiosity and shock; he was looking at her like she was a set of instructions written in some foreign language he knew only as gibberish "you want me to train you?"

"Yes." She didn't miss a beat.

He watched her for a long moment before shaking his head "I don't think so, princess."

A snarl curled at her lips as she bit back at him "My name is **Duchess** and why the fuck not?"

Eric turned away from her, carrying on to wherever he'd been going before Duchess had caught up to him. He didn't even look back to her with a mere glance as he answered her final question "because you couldn't take it."

Duchess breath raged as bit hard into her lip, reopening the wound and an iron taste filling her mouth for the second time that day. She stood there for a second until Eric was out of view and turned her rage onto the solid stone wall beside her, punching it as hard as she could three times before running her bloody hand through her new darkened hair, the blood getting lost between the ebony and the matching crimson.

Leaning her head against the cool stone now stained with her blood Duchess tried to even her breathing and as she looked at the backs of her eyelids she made a promise to herself: ' _I'll show him, I'll show that asshole that I can take anything, I can take it all… I can take_ _ **him**_ _! I'm Duchess Fucking March!"_


End file.
